Progress
“Stewart!”
The call of Bethany, Mrs. Doctor Stewart Hardlypie (sometimes referred to as SHE WHO MUST NOT BE CONTRADICTED):
“What have you done this time? Why are all these Christian ads peppering our website? Nothing against Christians, but Stewart, you’re a Jewish doctor treating the Devil and God forgive us, you even like him! Why must you always keep the wolves away from our door by inviting them in for a snack? You know,” she adds suddenly, musing: “The Christians might just be circling their wagons to fire a few arrows into the Body of Satan.” She pauses thoughtfully, the image of Doctor as Collateral Pin Cushion beginning to lighten a traditionally dark conversation.
“Then let she who is without sin loose the first arrow!” cries the Doctor, a passable imitation of Teddy Roosevelt charging up San Juan Hill.
“That’s not funny, Stewart,” Bethany snips. (That’s not “Funny Stewart” — Excellent! muses the Doc, for whom all roads circle back like a question mark.) “And besides,” his wife continues, “you can’t just warehouse the Devil and collect his health insurance if he doesn’t make any progress — Christians or no Christians!”
Our Good Doctor is abashed. “Why not? The Devil invented health insurance!”
“And to my way of thinking,” his beloved spouse continues, barely listening, “isn’t that the very definition of Satan, the one who does not make progress?”
“Oh, he’s already making progress, dear.”
“And how do you figure that, Dr. Alienist?”
“Very simple,” Hardlypie observes: “Now, whenever His Honor has an attack of Tourette’s, he squeaks, ‘HARRY POTTER IS THE SON OF GOD!’”
Otto: “Why hello, Faith! Joy of the Lord’s mornin’ to you!”
Hope: “Huh? The name’s “Hope”, you know — your sister?”
Otto: “Yes, Sister Faith, we have given you a new Christian name. Especially since it is Mr. Goat’s contention that we ABANDON ALL HOPE!”
Hope: “Just gettin’ with the program, Otto… So now I’m Sister Faith.”
Otto: “Yup! Couldn’t very well call you Cephas!”
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